San Francisco, CA — On Monday history was made at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Presidio in San Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.
Local resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom during the ceremony. Joining him was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old in dog years. Mac also decided to be the groom but ended up wearing a white veil at the last moment.
Father McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of this joyous moment of life. “This is the definition of true love my friends. There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,” McHale said. “Now, since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive. It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”
So how could this have happened?
In the book of California’s State Laws and Regulations there is a little known law that was passed as the state was first forming in 1850. According to article 155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:
If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!
In attendance was Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event. Mac had her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance was Alex from Stroh’s and Spuds Mckenzie.
“I just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,” said Horner. “People keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I don’t tell you that you can’t marry a 500 lb woman with gas issues. That’s your decision. Don’t tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay wedding out there.”
With this wedding between a man and a male dog now on the books, one can only ask what is in store next?
A man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog? A toaster marrying a toaster?
America, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Tsk. Tsk.
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