President Donald Trump’s first 100 days as president of the United States-Rick Newman
What if the political-media establishment is wrong? What if Donald Trump really is electable? What if donkeys fly and Trump actually wins the White House in 2016?
We studied economic and social policies Trump has endorsed–and applied a bit of imagination–to conjure this rendition of how President Trump’s first 100 days in office might go:
January 20, 2017: In his inaugural speech, Trump assures the nation it now has a “dealmaker in chief” who will renegotiate all the lousy agreements from the last two administrations. He singles out Iran, Iraq, South Korea, China, Mexico, Rosie O’Donnell and Heidi Klum by name. Stock markets fall 4% on fears of trade wars and global tension.
First full day in office: After his first close-up glimpse of Air Force One, Trump decides to fly on his own 757 instead because the presidential jet is "too dumpy." "Leave it to the govenrment to build a piece of crap like that," he tells reporters in a kickoff press conference.
Day 2: Trump rescinds immigration measures enacted by his predecessor, Barack Obama, that kept about 5 million illegal immigrants in the United States from being deported. Those so-called DREAMers—typically, the parents of children who reside legally in the U.S.—must now leave the country. Trump designates Vice President Scott Walker as the “alien counter” whose job is to make sure the government tracks down every illegal immigrant ordered to leave the country.
Day 5: Trump fulfills a campaign pledge by sending Congress the Make America Safe Again Act of 2017. This bill would fund construction of a 2,000-mile-long triple-layer fence along the U.S.-Mexican border, while adding 25,000 new border-patrol agents to the federal payroll. Trump proposes new tariffs on imports from Mexico to help pay the wall’s $25 billion cost. Bechtel, Haliburton, Northrup Grumman and other contractors hire hundreds of lobbyists to make sure the bill becomes law.
Day 8: Trump sends Congress the Make America Great Again Act of 2017, which would impose a 25% tariff on Chinese imports and offer generous incentives to any company that can figure out how to manufacture television sets in the United States. Stock markets fall 4% on the news. China hires hundreds of lobbyists to prevent the bill from passing.
Day 15: Trump sends Congress the Make America Rich Again Act of 2017, which would kill the estate tax, eliminate corporate taxes except for companies that outsource jobs (which would be taxed at a 20% rate), and slash rates for most families to four basic tiers, with a maximum rate of 15% for millionaires. It would also raise the Social Security retirement age to 70 by 2035. Stocks rally, cutting their loss for the year to 5%.
Day 17: Trump holds a press conference complaining that Congress is taking too long to build the border wall with Mexico. He calls Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell “stupid” and says House Speaker John Boehner is a “puppet.” McConnell holds a rebuttal press conference and says “President Trump doesn’t understand how things work in this town. Congress makes the laws, not the president, and if we want to spend 17 years turning a bill into a law, we will.”
Day 25: President Trump’s first meeting with a fellow head-of-state is with Russia’s Vladimir Putin at the Trump International Golf Club in Dubai. “I can do business with this man,” Trump declares. Three days later, Edward Snowden is flown from Moscow to Guantanamo Bay aboard a Trump Organization aircraft with the windows blacked out.
Day 32: Secretary of Defense Lindsay Graham announces that the Pentagon is sending 100,000 troops to the Middle East to defeat ISIS, half-a-dozen factions in Syria, Iranian units that stray beyond their home-country borders and anybody else who gets in the way. The U.S. will bill Iraq, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia $1 billion per day for as long as it takes to complete the mission. Stocks fall 5% and are now down 8% for the year. Oil prices surge from $50 per barrel to $75.
Day 49: Russia invades Ukraine. Secretary of State Carly Fiorina says that if Europe doesn’t like it, they should ask Germany to do something about it. Stocks drop another 4% and are now down 13% for the year. Wall Street analysts refer to this as the Trump Correction.
Day 54: The U.S. government sues OPEC for violating antitrust laws. Stocks fall further as oil rises to $110 per barrel. OPEC hires hundreds of lobbyists to help get Congress to block the suit.
Day 57: Education Secretary Rick Perry announces that the Trump administration will eliminate the department he heads, and possibly one or two others.
Day 64: As Congress holds its 23rd hearing on the border wall, the president says “everybody in Congress is a clown” and orders the Trump Organization to begin constructing the wall. Trump adds 25,000 people to his company’s payroll and deputizes them as border patrol agents.
Day 72: Trumps hosts Chinese premier Xi Jinping for a round of golf at the Trump National Doral course in Miami. “Now this is power,” Trump tells Xi, sweeping his arm across the first fairway as they tee off. As a sign of hospitality, Trump presents Xi a complimentary “Trump Card” entitling the holder to exclusive privileges at select Trump hotels.
Day 81: Trump proposes a Constitutional amendment giving the president the power to fire every member of Congress. Stocks jump by 10%.
Day 82: McConnell and Boehner threaten to block funding for all government activities to protest President Trump’s repeated attempts to bypass Congress. Trump calls the two Congressional leaders “losers who couldn’t build a sand castle.” Stocks tumble.
Day 88: Trump sends Congress the Make America Work Again Act of 2017, which would abolish Congress. Congress hires thousands of lobbyists to assure the bill fails.
Day 91: The Trump Organization completes construction of the border wall, 14 years ahead of schedule and $10 billion below the projected cost.
Day 95: The Trump Organization suffers a massive hacking attack that disrupts virtually all of its business activities. Officials identify China as the likely source of the attack.
Day 99: The House of Representatives begins impeachment proceedings against President Trump. His approval ratings reach 70%.
Day 100: Trump resigns, saying that with the border wall completed, he accomplished what voters sent him to Washington to do. “I’ve been the greatest president in American history,” Trump declares. “No president has ever gotten more done in less time.” Vice President Walker is sworn in as the 46th president of the United States. Oil prices fall back to $50 and stocks soar, regaining all the losses of the prior 100 days.
Your Excellency, Donald J. Trump President, United States of America…